How We Can Help
TFMR specific support
If you are coming to this page before you have had a TFMR and would like advice and support from one of our volunteers who have also been through this experience, please email us directly at support@footprintsbabyloss.org.
We work closely with ARC (Antenatal Results and Choices) who are also very helpful to get support from in these circumstances.
“ARC has been providing specialised support to parents facing TFMR for nearly 40 years. Inevitably the ending of a wanted pregnancy is a complicated loss and the grief emotions can be intense and sometimes overwhelming. There can be extra distress and complexity in the context of a twin pregnancy when decision-making involves more than one baby. We would urge anyone in this painful circumstance to seek the expert support Footprints and ARC can offer.” Jane Fisher, CEO ARC
We have got a small WhatsApp group specifically for our mums and dads that have experienced a TFMR in your twin or triplet pregnancy, that you are very welcome to join.
Please get in touch to find out more. It is a safe space where you can chat to other parents, ask questions and be in a supportive group of parents that understand how you might be feeling.
Please be mindful that there are a mix of different personal experiences in the group.
Additionally, we have befrienders who have personal experience of TFMR that we can match you with.
We offer TFMR specific online group meetings. Please let us know if you would like more details.
We also have monthly online groups, one for those with surviving twins or triplets and one for those who have experienced the loss of all of their babies where both mums and dads are welcome to attend together or individually.
TFMR blogs & resources
You can find some personal experiences from some of our families who have had a TFMR in our personal stories section.
If you would like to share your personal experience with us please get in touch.
We also take part in the annual TFMR Awareness Day.
Termination for Medical Reasons in twin and triplet pregnancies: Personal Experiences Booklet
We have a new downloadable TFMR leaflet for twin and triplet loss. It is a booklet of personal experiences from some of our Footprints families and is intended for those who have already had their TFMR.
Some quotes from our community:
“I found taking the pill the worst part of it all – until that point everything had felt like a joint experience that both my husband and I were going through together. But ultimately only I could be the one to actually go through with it all, and talking about it is very different to actually doing it. It all became so heartbreakingly real.”
“We were desperate to do what was best for our babies, even if that meant we didn’t get to stay with them. At 16 weeks we made the heartbreaking decision that we couldn’t take such a big risk for our babies. It was so difficult not having a definite diagnosis as we were constantly going back to the ‘but what if…?'”
“Grieving after a TFMR was very difficult for me. I was hit with guilt all the time. I was worried about telling people what happened in fear that they would judge me. As awful as it sounds, I would often wish we just lost him naturally, rather than having to go through the agony of the TFMR.
I’ve now learnt that my grief is just as valid as anyone else. Lucas was very wanted. By having a TFMR Lucas never had to endure any pain, he only ever knew the comfort of mine and his brother’s heartbeats.”
“Feeling my baby moving around was so bittersweet. Each day was an emotional torment and I remember being inconsolable the night before the procedure knowing it was our last night together.”