We were pregnant with not one but three babies

In 2021, my wife and I discovered we were pregnant with not one, but three babies. I can still remember the astoundment that I felt. 

The team that scanned us referred us to the local Fetal Medicine Unit for our pregnancy care, where we had appointments every two weeks to check on both babies and mum.  There were lots of important conversations to have about keeping everyone safe. I also learnt how hard it was to make sure all the scan measurements belonged to the correct triplet! After lots of discussions, it was relieving to be past our twenty-week scan and all seemed well with mum and babies.  Whilst we were not certain, it appeared they were non-identical triplets.

In amongst this, we had managed to get in touch with another family who had triplets and speak to them about what we might be able to expect when they were born.  It was clear we were going to be very sleep deprived, need a lot of kit and almost certainly some additional help.

We packed up from our small house and moved to one that would fit us all.  It was around this time that my wife started to experience a string of different symptoms.  All were investigated in our local Assessment Unit, but no cause could be found.  Having been reviewed by senior Doctors, we went home to await our next planned appointment, knowing we could come back in if anything changed.

Unfortunately, a few days later, my wife went into premature labour. Despite the Hospital doing everything they could to pause the labour, our babies were born.  Our boy had died before he was born, and our two girls each lived for around an hour.

The support we received from the hospital team and in particular, our midwives, was nothing short of incredible. Their kindness and compassion during the days that we spent with our babies will forever be a cherished memory.

Coming home to our relatively new house, without our babies, was devastating.  The grief we experienced was intense and all consuming to begin with, and sometimes my wife and I were not at the same point in our grieving journeys. Whilst everyone around us wanted to help in any way they could, many didn’t know how to help. Some tried to offer words of comfort, and sadly many were platitudes. We spent most of the first few months supporting each other in our grief as best we could. Long nature walks were a regular feature, and I took up photography as a hobby. In some ways, I get to take photographs for them.

What helped both of us immensely was the support of other bereaved parents and specifically parents bereaved of children from a multiple pregnancy. This is where we met Sharon and Suzie, who have been such a huge help to us as a family.

Our journey as a family has continued since the triplets were born and both my wife and I have received support from various different sources.  As a Dad, I feel a lot of the support options available are geared primarily towards the mum, rather than the partner. I have found it a huge help to connect with other dads via WhatsApp, or via regular online Dad-specific meetings. Whilst our stories are often quite different, we all have something in common; we are all looking for support after our children have died.  

I’ve also been through an experience of counselling, as well as EMDR therapy for PTSD. The latter has particularly helped with my return to full duties at work, as the nature of my work can be very triggering. I do my best to practice Mindfulness, even around a busy family life.

One thing I would say to any parent, and in particular any Dad or partner, is that you are not alone, and that there is support out there for you if you would like it. You will always be welcome at Footprints.